If this were my lunchtime Oscar acceptance speech, it would have to end: “And, finally, I wish to thank my glass of fizzy water …”
“He has been at my side through all the prize-winning meals at The Clerkenwell Kitchen. The only thing is, I have always known him as plain ‘Fizzy’ and I absolutely refuse to start calling him ‘Sparkling’.
“So, please all raise your glasses … Oh, where’s he gone? … Come on, own up. Who swallowed?”